What to do when comes the inevitable return of dissatisfaction and you fall off the wagon

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When I was flying to the East of France to meet up with my boyfriend and his family during the break, I had a distinct moment of clarity (as it often hits me flying thousands of meters up in the air…). I was truly happy and content with my life and what I had created and accomplished. I thought to myself, if I died today and left the life I have, I would have no regrets and was sure I lived an extraordinary life. 

Now, here’s the next thought that popped in to my head after the amazing Aha moment : «Aw shit, things can only get worse from here…» 

It may seem absurd, like I was setting up my own downfall, but almost instantly, the moment I landed back home, the peace and rest of the vacation got sweapt away by a new feeling that wasn’t there before I left : the dissatisfaction brought about from all the stress of my daily life and routines. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love the life I have now! I love all the students I have that leave me inspired, amazed and challenged. I love that I’m working on a wonderful (albeit challenging) musical project with two amazing musicians for school, I love that I have this blog and another creative challenge on the run, that I have a wonderful, supportive family and boyfriend, that I’m getting fit and healthy…

The good and the amazing outweighs any of my “problems” 10 to 1 in my life… And YET…

From all time high, to holiday blues, to dissenchantment and frustration

What happened? Why did the inspiring, motivating life, work and routine I had set up, suddenly start to feel like hard and exhausting work? It wasn’t because all hell had broken loose in my absence. Things were quite the same as before I had left in fact. Simply, I lost all the momentum I had built up and along with it most of my motivation. 

I realized after my initial high brought by the novelty of accomplishing personal challenges, getting new students, starting a new course or musical project, all of it became routine in the most tragic sense that it started to become an automated act and I was getting disconnected from the experience.

I got so caught up into the doing the challenges that I lost sight of how it was actually making me feel and the toll it was putting on me physically perhaps.

And that is when the slow descent back into the old rusty habits started again. I found myself hitting snooze before I could even say Yoga or meditation. I lost the consistancy and discipline I built up before and I felt horribly guilty and upset with myself which brought on even more fatigue and frustration and discouragement…

And the cycle goes on…

All about cycles

We get this idea of growth and personal development needs be linear and constant. We should continuously improve and life gets better and better all the time. But we forget that life is a series of ups and downs and that most days we simply plateau nearer to the top or bottom side of the scale. Whether it be a high or a low, This too shall pass…

We forget that life isn’t a race at all. It’s not a sprint, it’s not a marathon. It’s a journey and not only are we allowed to take time off once in a while but that we need to do so for our own mental and emotional well being and to be able to continue on the journey.

Often I noticed I was expecting constant discipline, growth and efficiency on my part in all my challenges because I just wanted to reap the fruits of success that came from these challenges. Yet I often forgot that failure is a great part of the cycle of success and that the two inevitably go hand in hand. My shortcomings can teach me more about self discipline and how to improve it than any blog or talk can if I let them…

The best I can do is learn from the experiences and mistakes, stop beating myself up, practice selfcare by honouring my cycles of rest, ups and downs, and get back to it, one small step at a time…

More posts and updates to come on this =)

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