Why the new blog is taking FOREVER to build

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Apologies for not posting more often lately! My energy has gone more towards working on my next blog but it is taking far more time than I expected. Here’s why :

  1. I’m a real techno-dummy. I decided about 2 months ago I wanted to create a new blog which was more focused on music and a bit less on what popped into my head at any given moment. But I wasn’t happy with using wordpress anymore as a CMS (Content Management System. I had to ask my dear tech-savey boyfriend to tell me what that was and let me know there are other options out there!) I wanted to find something less limitingespecially if I was going to share some of my improvs from the 30 day improv challenge I did a few months ago. So I decided to try out different CMS such as concrete 5, Joomla, Drupal…
  2. I’m an impatient one at that. Here’s the thing : I want the amazing blog layout and content but I want it quick and easy. Unfortunately, things don’t work that way. Especially when learning and testing out a new system, it’s like learning a new language, it takes time to figure out where things are and you learn mostly through trial and error. Unfortunately, I’ve not been blessed with that kind of  patience so I dabbled with a few systems without fully learning any of them and with no real results…
  3. I’m now taking time to really Learn how to use my new CMS. I eventually settled on using Drupal after short and disappointing tries at Concrete 5 and WordPress again. But this time, I’m doing it right… How to books, Video tutorials, the whole shebang. I’m developing this skill now because I know it will serve me in the future to design professional sites (a music school, personal artist portfolio…)
  4. I don’t know exactly what I want the content of  my blog to be : I’m torn between starting a niche blog VS a general Lifestyle blog, a professional blog VS a personal blog. In an ideal world I’d like to do 4 different sites/blogs that focus on each one of these but I know myself enough to know that 1 site will be already hard enough to manage and develop for now.
  5. I still don’t have a clear idea of the structure of my blog. Any structure for a site should be well thought out beforehand to best fulfil the users’ needs or else, prepare for a very complicated and inefficient website! Content and Structure go hand in hand. Hence, once I figure out the purpose and content of the blog, the structure will naturally flow I hope…

butterfly and cocoon

Please bear with me in this long process. I’m happy to say things are progressing well and I’m truly enjoying learning this new skill. I’m fixing the deadline to be the 31st of July to publish and share with you my new site! With the help of a supportive and techy boyfriend as well as a new accountability team, I’m hoping to launch the new blog in time!!!

The true reason behind why I perform

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piano hand

Since my wrist injury last year, I’ve felt in a rut about performing on stage. This rut wasn’t built overnight either. The feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction and stress about performing as a pianist were festering years before this.

When I started my musical studies, I had some silly ideas about what a successful career as a pianist should look like and I had got it in my head that the only true path to success had to be as a soloist. However, I realized the past few years I didn’t had the patience or talent or even true ambition to be a concert pianist and I realized I was okay with that. So one day, I decided to stop pursuing someone else’s dream and start creating my own musical path. My fall was a wake up call for me. It made me realize that I was okay if my whole identity did not revolve around one instrument and that on the contrary, I needed diversity in my occupations to truly be fulfilled. Focusing on something other than my piano for a year allowed me to pursue many different paths and learn a lot about myself and what I want and don’t want in my career.

However, during this year of exploration, I also unintentionally put a stop to performing. I didn’t perform once outside of public exams and preparation performances for these exams. Of course, I could argue that with my wrist needing time to heal, I wasn’t able to  prepare programmes but even after I fully recovered (around march this year), I felt uninspired and unmotivated to practice deliberately, prepare concert programmes and search for projects anymore. I resigned myself to the idea that a career a performer was not in the cards for me and unconsciously stopped trying to create one for myself.

But here’s the thing, for the first time, I realize I miss it. I miss the stage, the excitement and the nervousness. I miss the bare vulnerability of being in front of a public and not knowing what will happen. After reading this wonderful post from Celeste Lovick posted on her sister’s blog, I got reminded of why I missed it so much : I still have a lot of love to share on stage.

In the beginning of my studies, the intention behind every performance was to be a concertist. It was a lot of pressure, a lot of disappointments and not much joy at all… The rare few times I truly enjoyed performing was when I let go of all of the expectations and pressure truly played out of love. Love for the music I was playing, love for people I was performing with and for, love for the experience of self discovery… I always loved performing in random places such as train stations because I wouldn’t have a care in the world about my music needing to be perfect or people needing to like my music or about making a name for myself. However, outside of those exceptional rare moments, I had lost most of my sense of wonder or enjoyment on stage because of this underlying intention.

I realize now that sharing love on stage is a a far stronger and more inspiring intention than seeking “success”. Love drives my decisions, relationships and my Art. Why not my performances too?